Look. I guess it could be the “old school” in me talking. But it amazes me how so many people these days carry on in these lackluster “relationships” without ever really defining what the relationship truly is. Months, even years, go by without either party in the situation making it clear where the relationship is headed, let alone committing to each other. No, this is not the almost married woman talking down on the dating process. Trust me, I was once in the same situation. I’m just approaching the altar at 30 years old. I most definitely understand the ins and outs of it trying to figure out if someone is “the one.” It can be a bit much to deal with. I gave my time, entertained his company, and all of that “jazz,” and I all I received in return was confusion and hurt. And truly I have to say, it wasn’t his fault. Essentially, I was to blame because I let him define the terms of what we were without requiring him to let me in on the secret. I had all these questions to ask and feelings I wanted to express; however, I hesitated to do so out of fear that I would make things move too fast. I feared I would lose his interest if I questioned his intentions. It’s a thought process I think we all go through at some point when dating. But if I could do it all over again, I would have risked losing him by doing what was necessary… to save my time and guard my heart appropriately. I hear and see people always refer to their grind to get money. “Gotta make this money. Gotta be about my business.” So why don’t we go as hard for our hearts and to preserve what we can never get back? Our time. I don’t care what age you are, no one has time to waste. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. As long as you stay in the dark about where you stand with someone, the more resentment and hurt it breeds. And the worst part of it all is… you’ve wasted time. Dating can be amazing, fun and full of adventure. It can also ruin your chances of finding true love if you allow it to turn your heart cold. I’m not saying everyone is meant to be married. But everyone deserves a chance to be loved – the right way — minus the guessing games and inconsistencies. You have questions about someone’s intentions for you? Ask them. You want someone to know how you feel about them? Tell them. No matter how vulnerable it makes you. I’m not saying get serious with a woman or man on the first date… but you eventually need to know what is what. Time waits for no one. Several months down the line is not the time for you to find out what someone really wants from you. Be open. Be honest. Be smart… about your heart. It’ll save you a lot of trouble.
Now, you may be wondering what happened to the guy I referenced above. Well, let’s just say he’s not the guy I’m marrying, lol. When I finally got the nerve to start asking questions, months down the line, the mask fell off, and his truth was revealed. And I made my exit without looking back. Yes, I know it’s not always that cut and dry, but your time is worth fighting for and speaking up about. I truly believe learning from that experience is one of the reasons I’m actually finally getting married. But that is a different story for a different day. LOL. Check out my related post “Roller Coaster” – a poem that perfectly captures these same sentiments. I hope it inspires some of you to have a change of heart about love. Happy Friday, beautiful people.